Breakthrough, New You: Insecurities and Fear
Insecurity: uncertainty or anxiety of oneself; lack of confidence.
Insecurities, we've all got them. Whether it be the shape of our bodies or emotional downfalls, everyone is insecure about something.
The journey it took for me to become the woman I am today is a complex one. Many twists and turns have gotten me here, and though I have several insecurities, even now, but the one I struggle with the MOST is my smile. I've never really been comfortable telling this story but I've discovered if I'm going to love myself, and I mean REALLY love myself, I've got to love all of me.
Pictures of me smiling are always so hard for me to post. I've been insecure of my smile since I was 14 years old. What should've been a routine dentist appointment turned out to be one of the most embarrassing moments of my teenage life.
He was only supposed to extract my baby teeth. I mean, I was 14, still with baby teeth, and we were preparing to fit me for braces. I can definitely tell you that the words you never want to hear a doctor of ANY kind utter is "UH-OH!"
My momma was livid! I don't recall much from that day but she always tells me I asked him was he high. Knowing my smart mouth back then, I believe it. I didn't go to school the rest of the week but I couldn't not attend school. The first day back was tough. I didn't talk to anyone. I stayed to myself. My friends thought I didn't want to be friends with them anymore. It was 2 weeks before I told anyone what happened. My real friends, at the time at least, remained my friend and those that were only my friend for appearances talked about me, bad.
I hated myself, A LOT! It was the first time I remember wanting to kill myself because I was so badly teased. Being a freshman in high school and going through something like that shook me. I cried myself to sleep EVERY night. I kid you not!
Fast forward to my sophomore year...I had very few friends left over from my freshman year, but that was about to change. The summer going into 10th grade, my orthodontist customized an implant for my braces so that I didn't have to walk around like Snaggy Tootherson for the remainder of the time that I had to wear braces. It was almost like I had a re-do on high school.
I was one of the cool kids again! My confidence grew enormously. I learned not to judge people based off how they looked. In return, it made me a nicer person. I was a bit of a mean girl up until that point. The things I said and the way I treated people, some would say it was karma.
Once my braces were removed, I still had a customized implant made into my retainer but it was only meant to be temporary. It lasted me 10 years before my retainer broke. I felt like that 14 year old girl all over again. I panicked and called in to work for 3 days.
I went back into that hole I crawled into almost 10 prior. I stopped talking to my friends, I didn't say much at work, unless absolutely necessary. I was alone.
It's taken years of conditioning my brain to not worry what other people say and think of me. I truly could care less nowadays but back then, I would've cried for days on end. So now you're probably thinking, "Jennifer, you made us read this long ass story to say what?" I'm glad you asked my dear.
Fuck these people, and I say that with the utmost sincerity. The thoughts and opinions of others DO NOT matter! I wished I had someone to tell me this back when I was an impressionable teenager. Your insecurities don't have to keep you prisoner. You can overcome anything that is keeping you held down. YOU WILL get through it. No matter what you're situation, you will get over your insecurity, with some hard work and focus of course.
Stay focused and don't let other people control your mental. If you ever need some motivation, please remember these words, "FUCK THESE PEOPLE!" I hope my story inspires you to face your insecurities head on. I still struggle posting pictures of my smile, and some days are better than others, but I push through it because FTPPL!
Share with me some of your insecurities below and also be sure to share this post to help inspire someone else in need of a pick me up. Let's help to lift one another up in times of need instead of putting each other down. I love you all and I look forward to sharing more insecurities with you, as you share yours with me. Until next time...