I Should've Said This...

You ever wish you had the opportunity to tell the ones you love (or dislike) exactly how you feel? On my journey of self discovery, I started asking if there was anyone that had hurt me in the past that I still hadn't reconciled with and needed to get it off your chest. Though some of these people are no longer in my life, I still think it's important to speak my mind and be honest with myself. My blog is, to me, a piece of my journal. It's my creative release. How I express myself.

Below, you'll read some of my deepest inner thoughts of people that are no longer in my life. I'm releasing it in a public manner because they all support me, in one way or another. Whether it be a subliminal or just stopping through because someone they know supports me and shares my posts on Facebook.

I hated for you for such a long time. I lived with you and I use to ask myself, "Why tf did you just move past that hurt?" You confessed your sins to me and I was more upset at you than the piece of shit boyfriend that was also a part of the foolishness y'all called a "relationship." I honestly wished he had left me for you so that you both could see that the grass was just as dead on the other side. I really gave our friendship a chance, though, even when I was told that I was stupid for keeping you at my side. I guess that's how much I valued myself at the time. I try, at times, to rekindle what was left of our friendship, only to find that you have moved far beyond our friendship. It's probably for the best, though. We both know that we will never be the same if we were to pick up where we left off. Just know that I was ALWAYS loyal to you. I would've never betrayed you the way you did me. I loved you like we were blood. There's a verse in Jidenna's "2 Points," that says,

You was only for yourself, never for the tribe Wow, now he sayin’ that I left ‘em I was always quiet when you said that we were best friends You! You knew who I was from the jump I throw a stone at ya n**** I’ma make it blunt but You! You go hide your hand like a chump True friends stab you in the front!

I think it's a perfect verse that describes what was our friendship. Some lines you, some lines me. I'm glad that life is going well for you now, though. I pray that you continue on your journey to self discovery and if at any point our paths lead us back to friendship, I'm open to the attempt.

Damn! It felt good to finally get that out. Holding on to a decade's worth of hurt and distrust can really take a toll on one's heart. What's above has never been said out loud and I'm happy that I'm in a space of peace and self worth that I can finally move past that situation. Have you ever held on to any hurt for a long time? How did you handle it? Were you able to work it out with that person? Let me know below babes! Thank you for letting me express myself. I appreciate all the love and support from you guys! Until next time...

Phoenix