5 Words I Would Use To Describe 2019
Whew chile! 2019 was by far the most GHETTOest year of my existence! Between the breakup, the depression, the struggles, and the self-doubt, I didn't have time to actually enjoy the year. I won't say I didn't have some great moments, because there were some REALLY great moments this year, but I took too much time focusing on the negative and I'm that much of an adult to admit that.
With that being said, where do we go from here? How do you move from the past? By acknowledging the things you learned from those loses and moving from there. Today, I've chosen 5 words that perfectly sum up my 2019. My hope is that I can encourage someone to learn from my mistakes and become a better individual. That's what makes the world a better place if you ask me. Let's jump in!
It's no secret that I went through a bad breakup this year. What made it even harder to get over is the fact that I felt the need to keep him a part of my life. The smart thing to do would've been to exit our friendship and when I was ready, come back. Unfortunately, I chose to keep him in my life and it resulted in depression. I completely did it to myself, but I felt if I let him go, our friendship would be irreparable. I say to anyone that's going through this at the moment, take your time to heal. No one is worth your mental health. If they are really your friend, they will understand your leave of absence from their life. Take care of yourself sis!
If you read my last post, you know that I recently found a church home in Transformation Church in Tulsa, OK, under the direction of Pastors Michael and Natalie Todd. His first series of the year was called, 'The Year of Release.' He spoke about releasing yourself and your family from different things. I recently had an epiphany that I've been releasing a decade's worth of pain, hate, self-loathing, and emotions, and what's even crazier is that I had that enlightenment mid-tweet. DoIn't believe me? Take a look below. Nevertheless, I've effectively learned how to express how I feel without feeling like I'm weak, and that to me is a large step in the right direction because I've released learned behaviors picked up in my 20s. I'm ready to move into 2020 with grown up emotions now.
My favorite thing to do is spend time with children. 2019 has really taught me to be more involved with them. In 2015, my mom opened up her home to Ben, who was 3 at the time, and a then pregnant, me. I had been evicted from my apartment because I had very poor spending habits and I felt like a failure. Rightfully so. I was pregnant, and spending money like I was living in the Roaring 20s. When I was able to get on my feet, my mom told me to work and not worry about the kids because she had my back, no matter. She became my primary caretaker for the kids and I went to work. I developed that workaholic mindset just to be able to stack my money. Fast forward to this year, my mom relocated to Dallas, TX. It forced me to slow down and be home a little more than I was use to. I learned to appreciate what it really was to be a mother. My children are hilarious, needy, intelligent, shady, and above all, loving.
I've never fallen flat on my face as much as I did this year. It has been challenging, and humbling to say the least. Out of all the Ls I've taken this year though, I've learned to turn every L into a Lesson, and I'm gearing up to turn every Lesson into a WIN! 2019, really came for my scalp, and sis has proudly displayed my wig as a trophy all year, but the one thing that 2019 doesn't have is my PRIDE. We leveling up all 2020 sis, believe that!
Through all the trials and tribulations, the struggles, and the lows, I've always prayed to God to keep me humble, yet confident. Girl, can I say he really stripped me down this year. He really showed me that I can not operate without Him. I'm still working on the confident thing. I've always been a confident person, but the way God showed out this year, baby I'm a work in progress.
What words would you use to sum up your 2019? Maybe you conquered 2019 and made it your bitch! Maybe you were just as broken as me, but whatever words you're using, just know that if you're reading this, you're alive, you're loved, and you've made to the other side. I'm proud of...proud of US for making it this far and I'm looking forward to continuing this journey with you all by my side. I love you.
Be sure to comment below your 2019 in nutshell below and also if you liked this post, be sure to share and hit the little heart in the right corner. Until next time...