New Year, New Me!

What is to be said about the year 2020? Many will say it's been the single most life changing year of their lives. Some will say it's the year their lives completely fell apart, but very few will say it's been the greatest year of their life. In my opinion, none of these answers are wrong.

The year started with an entire country on fire, then had the nerve to take Kobe Bryant and his beloved daughter, Giana. March began a mandatory shut down of most of the world because of Covid-19, but I won't lie, through all the inconvenience of virtual learning and being on furlough from work for 3 months, the shut down granted me something I thought I'd never have before retirement...a chance to spend time with my children outside of me working an 8 hour day. I was able to learn the in's and out's of their personalities without being told how they behave by my mother. It truly was amazing to get to know my children.

That's not to say it didn't come with some struggle either. Depression was at an ALL time high during this time. April is probably the lowest I've been in a few years, but the smallest things got me through. Downloading Tik Tok, throwing myself into learning my children on a deeper level and remembering that I could always be in a worse situation is what keep me afloat. Of course my bestfriend of 10 years was there for me as well. May brought back a bit of normalcy as the country started to slowly open. I went back to work and discovered I'd lost all of the clients I had worked hard to gain before the shut down. That was a tough blow to my confidence, too. The death of George Floyd sparked national uproar and social justice and BLACK LIVES MATTER protests started to happen GLOBALLY!

In June I wanted more out of myself, so I started to go back to the gym and really focused on my inner health, only to realize being healthy isn't just being fit, but also having a strong and healthy mind as well. Through meditation and really listening to my body, I discovered there were some things I still hadn't completed with my move to Texas. I moved here with the intent of applying to my dream job at the Aveda Institute. I reluctantly reapplied, but was afraid that I wouldn't get a call back, given the fact that I had applied almost a year earlier and wasn't chosen for the position.

July and most of August were uneventful, until I received a phone call from the Aveda Institute requesting an interview with me. I showed up and the director remembered that I had applied a year earlier and basically hired me on the spot! Not only that, I was approved for my apartment. I couldn't help but have a sense of guilt though, because while I was celebrating, the rest of the country (and the world) was grieving. Grieving the loss of loved ones, the loss of jobs, the loss of the lives we all use to know. I kept it quiet because I was afraid that if I made a big announcement via social media, or even here, it would seem like I was being inconsiderate of all the hurt and pain happening around me.

September was almost like a rebirth of myself, as I started to regain my confidence and voice. I started to create healthy boundaries in my life with those that are closest to me. I also started at the Aveda Institute and moved into my apartment as well. The boys are extremely to happy to be in a place of our own. A sanctuary that we've created without being told what to do and how loud we can be. A home. October and November brought on it's own struggles, but nothing major. Mainly minor conflicts with interpersonal relationships. I've made new work friends (don't tell my best work friend, Briana lol). I've made peace with certain areas in my life that need to be removed and most importantly, I've started to get back to the Jennifer that I began to lose in December 2018. The person that I fell in love with in 2017. The girl that created this blog after being lied to most of her adult life about the beauty and power she possessed.

I say with the utmost pride and love for self that I am not the depressed shell of a woman that I was when the clock struck midnight January 1, 2020. I am resilient, strong, powerful, loving, kind, a FUCKING POWERHOUSE OF A WOMAN! I just so happen to be unpacking boxes (yes, still) from my move back in September and I came across a box full of journals that I had filled up all year. More specifically my very first journal of 2020. The first page begged the question, "What do you plan to accomplish in 2020?" I crushed that shit! I accomplished EVERY SINGLE THING on the list, with time to spare. I've never felt so proud because it's the first time in my adult life that I've been able to say that I've achieved something so amazing, and I had some heavy hitters on the list too. I'm literally a brand new person at this point. The growth and lessons that I've endured this year is only the start of

Am I saying that you should feel bad if you didn't achieve anything on your list? Absolutely not, and here's why: If all you did was survive this twilight-zone of a year, you have something to be proud of. This year has been hard, in more ways than one and the one thing you should be proud of is that you are here to read this. The world looks completely different than it did a year ago, which means some of you may still be in isolation and ringing in the new year solo, but please know that being alone is not the presence of loneliness. You are worthy of everything in this world, including LIFE. Please chime in and let me know what you accomplished this year, big or small. I want to hear from you guys. Until next time...